Judgments

"You can't judge a book by its cover" yet we all seem to do that with people quite frequently.  I get judged often.  I frequently come across as intimidating and arrogant. I'm also come across as opinionated and bullheaded. That's exactly how I want to be seen...by people who don't have the common courtesy or want to invest the time to get to know me.

I used to be a people pleaser.  I spent most of my life into early adulthood worrying about what everyone thought about me. I was shy, introverted, withdrawn most of my early life. I went through many painful years with low self esteem and lack of a sense of self worth. Eventually, I grew out of all of that to see the world and its inhabitants for what we are - human beings with flaws. It was only then that I realized that if I set personal goals and achieved them that I could prove to myself that I, even my life, was worth something. I began studying - and found myself reading everything I could get my hands on about any subject that came across my path. I joined organizations that had a cause. I look inward and even studied myself for many years. Who was this person inside this physical shell? 

Eventually what I discovered is that if someone really cares about you, if they are truly your friend, they will take the time to get to know you beyond that outer facade that we all place before the world as a protective barrier. If they are a fake, a fraud, they will see only what they want to see; they will not invest one minute in discovering what life experiences have made you the person you are. They will simply make a judgment, give your soul a mock trial to appease their own ego, and condemn you to the nether regions of worthlessness.

Two things that I discovered about myself over the years are that I have an enormous capacity for empathy, and an even bigger capacity for compassion.  Unlike many, I don't help people to somehow make myself feel good about me. The very definition of empathy implies the sharing of emotional pain. I also don't do psychological counseling, I do empathic counseling. Opening yourself up to someone's deepest emotional pain is not fun - it's not something one would do to boost their own ego. Empathic counseling requires one to share in someone's pain, then channel it away from the suffering person and release it back into the "cosmic" stream to dissipate. 

Ordination and licensing is important for 2 reasons - it gives you legal authority to do what you were called to do, and it also binds you to a higher standard for yourself.  I dismiss questions by others about whether or not I should be ordained. I constantly question myself as to whether what I am doing makes me worthy of my ordination. For the world, it's a legal technicality. Personally, it's a measure of where I am in my spiritual calling and the gravity of what that calling entails.

I have very few personal friends and that has not changed in the 50 years I have been on this planet.  I'm not easy to get to know, yet I am very easy to get to know.  The difference is in the amount of effort and time one is willing to take to get to know me.  What you see on facebook isn't me - it's a character.  What you see at a Board meeting isn't me - it's a role.  What you see during a workday isn't me - it's a host.  We are all a muddy mix of our life experiences, our joys, our traumas, our heartaches, and our anguish.  If you want to get to know someone set aside some time, one-on-one, and really get to know them. If that's not your cup of tea, well then, you get what you get.  Like John always says, if you don't vote, you have no right to bitch about the elected officials. The same goes for friendships. If you won't take the time to get to know someone, you have no right to talk about them.